Honestly it is like a Goop miracle. It is a mirage in glorious Goop a vision right before our very own eyes. Marking her 50th birthday in the way only she knows how Gwyneth Paltrow comes on board the good ship Goop at Civitavecchia port near Rome. After being delayed by storms she is joining us Goopies on day six of the inaugural nine day Goop at Sea cruise in the Mediterranean and her fans could not be more delighted.
Goop devotees on this cruise are understandably thrilled that their heroine has chosen to spend part of her 50th birthday celebrations here on board with them saluting the Goop brand she started as a kitchen table blog and built into a £220 million business. I am happy to see you all this is very thrilling she says hoarsely taking her seat on a stage alongside anxiety expert Dr Ellen Vora. Gwyneth apologises for losing her voice and wonders aloud if she should maybe stick an acupuncture needle in my throat.
Instead she takes unladylike swigs straight from a big bottle of ferocious looking black liquid and jokes about having a martini and a Xanax the night before. At least I think she is joking. Tanned and wearing a grey trouser suit with white trainers she has just turned 50 but still has that dazzling California smile along with her trademark blonde hair and that famously honed and toned body that looks good in nothing but gold paint. She introduces her best friend sitting in the audience who is crying God knows why, perhaps just with simple Goop joy. She knew me before I started my periods Gwyneth croaks into the microphone sounding exactly like Marge Simpson.
Amused quirky with that familiar edge of insouciant vulgarity? Gwyneth could not have been more on brand if she had lit one of her vagina candles and started handing out some of the jade eggs she once insisted women should wear internally to improve their orgasms and hormone levels until the American federal health authorities stopped her. Todays Goopy topic, which she is discussing with Dr Vora is perhaps equally contentious practising psychiatry in a ‘holistic, functional way where the whole person is taken into account.
Dr Vora often feels that blood sugar levels and disrupted circadian rhythms can be at the root of anxiety problems affecting our mental health – but is feeling anxious really a mental health issue? Is not it just a facet of human existence? Dr Vora and Gwyneth think not. They are the kind of first world women who are terrified of negativity and cashmere shortages. The doctor advocates blue light spectacles and a spoon of almond butter to reset the balance please remember that next time you or one of your friends is having a psychotic breakdown .Gwyneth admits that both she and her daughter Apple suffer from anxiety, which she believes is just trauma that hasn’t been properly processed or expressed.
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